Do you believe in love at first sight? What does it mean when someone says - “love blinds”? Is it entirely psychological, or is it chemical? Why do you stop feeling attracted to someone when you get the “ick”? All of these questions that we view as everyday phenomena are closely related to the chemistry behind romantic attraction.
Brain Chemistry
Chemicals in your brain create these feelings of desire, pleasure, and connection. Neurotransmitters and hormones, including dopamine, serotonin, and norepinephrine, help determine if you are initially attracted to someone.
Dopamine and serotonin work hand-in-hand. Dopamine gives you feelings of pleasure, satisfaction, and motivation. It is a short-term “reward” that controls parts of your mood, concentration, and even memory. This is often what we feel upon initial meetings. Serotonin mainly controls your mood and appetite, thus the possible lack of appetite while you’re in love.
This lack of appetite and increased mood influences the quote “love blinds”, where you seem to “lose touch with reality” by focusing on the person you love and failing to complete basic everyday tasks or to see the consequences of not doing something.
Norepinephrine, or noradrenaline, is a neurotransmitter/hormone that plays an important role in the body’s fight-or-flight response, similar to adrenaline. It is made from dopamine and increases alertness, arousal, and attention - the latter directly relates to romantic attraction.
The “Love Potion”
Apart from norepinephrine, oxytocin is a natural hormone that manages key aspects of the female and male reproductive systems. Its main function is to facilitate childbirth - thus, it is usually called the “love drug”. This is produced when we’re excited by our sexual partner or when we fall in love, decreasing stress or anxiety levels.
Released in response to the activation of sensory nerves during labor, breastfeeding, and sexual activity, it regulates our emotional responses and responses to pro-social behaviors, including trust, empathy, and positive communication.
You may have seen ads such as this one on social media: the pheromone perfume.
But is it real?
Pheromone perfume is synthetic animal musk and chemicals that stimulate the nose, designed to make you “smell sexier” to others. However, one study found the opposite: YOU may be more attracted to others by wearing pheromone-like products instead of attracting others to you.
There is also not much evidence that wearing a pheromone perfume makes you more attractive to others, so where did this assumption come from? Pheromones are substances secreted to the outside by an individual and received by a second individual of the same species, often used to mark territory. In animals, they assist in reproduction, feeding, social interactions, and maternal-neonatal bonding in mammals. By definition and according to the theory of evolution, pheromones only work within a species.
In humans, examples of pheromones are urine, breath, saliva, bodily fluids, and more. However, these don’t help us attract others, in fact, quite the opposite! But what is it about pheromones or a person’s scent that attracts someone else? People described a human's default scent as “musky”, like sweat or worn clothes - thus the trend of giving your hoodie to your partner.
How do these three chemicals relate to romantic attraction?
They are released, making us energetic and euphoric, even leading to decreased appetite and insomnia (as mentioned before) - in simpler terms, you are so “in love” that you can’t eat or sleep.
Dopamine levels are increased, serotonin levels decreased, and norepinephrine levels increased. Oxytocin and ADH (not mentioned) appear in romantic attraction and relationships and general friendships and bonds between people.
This all seems idyllic, but like Newton’s 3rd law of motion, for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. Although the hormones released make us feel good, rewarded, and happy, it’s often accompanied by jealousy, erratic behavior, irrationality, and plenty of others - so we must control our mood and maintain a healthy emotional balance.
Love at first sight
Eye contact plays an enormous role in this: prolonged eye contact increases the romantic attraction someone initially feels for someone else. Has someone ever asked you, “looks or personality?”. You probably always said “personality” to not seem materialistic or selfish, and perhaps you do value personality more. However, regarding “love at first sight,” looks do matter.
This is part of human nature and is a phenomenon that drives people to want to know more - the readiness to fall in love and experience everything with this new person. My friend said, “Go for the looks but stay for the personality.” (wise words!)
Reference List
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Cleveland Clinic. “Norepinephrine: What It Is, Function, Deficiency & Side Effects.” Cleveland Clinic, Cleveland Clinic, 27 Mar. 2022, my.clevelandclinic.org/health/articles/22610-norepinephrine-noradrenaline
Collingwood, Charlotte. “The Science of Love at First Sight | Royal Institution.” Www.rigb.org, 2 Feb. 2023, www.rigb.org/explore-science/explore/blog/science-love-first-sight
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McKnight, Jason, and Madeline Kennedy. “You Can Buy Perfume Made of Fake Animal Scent Glands That Is Supposed to Make You Sexier — Here’s How It Works.” Business Insider, www.businessinsider.com/guides/health/sex-relationships/pheromone-perfume?r=US&IR=T#:~:text=Pheremone%20perfume%20is%20a%20compound. Accessed 20 Feb. 2024
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Watson, Stephanie. “Oxytocin: The Love Hormone.” Harvard Health, 20 July 2021, www.health.harvard.edu/mind-and-mood/oxytocin-the-love-hormone#:~:text=Oxytocin%20is%20a%20hormone%20that
Wu, Katherine. “Love, Actually: The Science behind Lust, Attraction, and Companionship.” Science in the News, Harvard University, 14 Feb. 2017, sitn.hms.harvard.edu/flash/2017/love-actually-science-behind-lust-attraction-companionship/#:~:text=High%20levels%20of%20dopamine%20and
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