Lying is something we do every day, whether we are conscious of it or not. From telling white lies to covering an accident, everyone has told lies in one form or another. Yet, we have always been told that lying is wrong. If telling the truth is important, why do we still lie? And what impacts can our lies have on ourselves and others? Continue reading this article to find out more!
What does it mean to ‘lie’?
In psychology, lying and deception can be complicated concepts, especially given the many ways a person can lie and the reasons behind lying. Generally, lying refers to making a statement that is not the truth. Some examples of lies include white lies, exaggerating statements, and changing events from what happened in reality.
Though some lie because they cannot help themselves but lie (such behavior is commonly known as pathological lying), this article will focus on lying told commonly. If you want to learn more about pathological lying, read this article!
Why do we lie?
The reasons for lying can be complex and vary from person to person. A person who wishes to gain something may use deception to manipulate and take control of a situation that was initially unfavorable to them (e.g., a person lying about their circumstances to gain sympathy from others). Another person may lie because they fear the consequences that could happen if they tell the truth (e.g., a child who broke a vase lies to escape punishment from their parents).
Due to how complicated the reasons for lying can be, a study by Arcimowicz, B., Cantarero, K., and Soroko, E. in 2015 attempted to categorize these reasons to better present and understand them. These reasons were grouped by whether the reason to tell a lie was due to self or the other person, and whether the reason was for benefitting from the lie or to protect from the truth:
Lies to benefit self (egoistic)
These lies are told because the liar wants to gain something or to make themselves look good (and hence gain something)
Lies to protect self (self-defensive)
These lies are told to avoid negative consequences that could come about by telling the truth.
Lies to benefit others (pleasing)
Most often comes in the form of white lies; these lies are told to make the other person happy.
Lies to protect others (sheltering)
These lies are told to protect the other person from distress or negative emotions.
What happens when we lie?
The consequences of lying are not as simple as those who got lied to feeling angry and betrayed. Yes, that is one consequence, but there are so many more consequences. Some factors that determine the consequences of the lies would be:
what kind of lie is it (is it a lie that has no impact on the future or needs to be upheld for an extended period?)
the reason behind the lies (or the intention of telling the lie),
the significance of the lies (how severe is the lie towards the receiver of the lie?), and
if the lies were to be discovered.
The consequences of the lies also depend on who we are talking about. When we tell lies, two parties are involved: the person who told the lie and the person who was lied to.
Below are some ways that the two parties can be affected:
For the person who told a lie, if it is for a one-time circumstance, the person may not feel much or even think there is much to it. However, if the lie was to cover up something, the person may feel stressed and anxious while trying to uphold the lie. On the other hand, if the lie told was to gain something and the person was not discovered lying, the person may feel a ‘thrill’ (sometimes known as duper’s delight) and continue with their lies.
Even so, repeatedly lying can also lower self-esteem, making people feel worse about themselves. Although it can provide temporary relief in some cases, in the long run, one's psychological well-being can be affected, and one could potentially lose the trust they have in themselves as they get caught up in their own lies and are unable to discern truth from lies.
For the people who received the lie, if the lie were intended to please them, they would feel happier and better about themselves. Interestingly, such lies motivated by compassion for others can also build connections. Studies have found that these people are more likely to be perceived as trustworthy and moral than those who tell brutal truths. Even so, this is not going to be true for every situation, and if the lie is found, this can lead to doubts brewing every time the liar speaks.
Conclusion
Of course, there is more to deception than just what has been mentioned, and both reasons and consequences are not an exhaustive list. The reasons why someone lies and the consequences that the lie has on themselves, and others differ from person to person. The consequences of lies also depend on the situations in which the lies were told, which affects whether the impacts are positive or negative.
The consequences of lying do not stop at our mental well-being and our relationships. If you are curious about how lying affects our physical body, read this article to find out more!
Reference List
Arcimowicz, B., Cantarero, K. and Soroko, E. (2015). Motivation and Consequences of Lying. A Qualitative Analysis of Everyday Lying. Forum Qualitative Sozialforschung / Forum: Qualitative Social Research, [online] 16(3). doi:https://doi.org/10.17169/fqs-16.3.2311 [Accessed 28 Feb. 2024].
Ekman, P. (2018). Why People Lie. [online] Paul Ekman Group. Available at: https://www.paulekman.com/blog/why-people-lie/ [Accessed 27 Feb. 2024].
Kandola, A. (2019). Pathological liars: Everything you need to know. [online] www.medicalnewstoday.com. Available at: https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/pathological-liars [Accessed 28 Feb. 2024].
Ocklenburg, S. (2024). 5 Ways Lying Can Destroy Self-Esteem | Psychology Today. [online] www.psychologytoday.com. Available at: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-asymmetric-brain/202401/how-lying-destroys-self-esteem-5-new-scientific-insights [Accessed 28 Feb 2024].
Reed, C. (2023). The Psychology of Lying: Why People Lie. [online] https://www.thedailypositive.com/. Available at: https://www.thedailypositive.com/psychology-of-lying-why-people-lie/#google_vignette [Accessed 28 Feb. 2024].
Sullivan, B. (2020). The Truth About Lying and What It Does to the Body. [online] Psychology Today. Available at: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/pleased-meet-me/202001/the-truth-about-lying-and-what-it-does-the-body [Accessed 29 Feb. 2024].
Wiltermuth, S., Newman, D. and Raj, M. (2015). The Consequences of Dishonesty | Society for Personality and Social Psychology. [online] spsp.org. Available at: https://spsp.org/news-center/character-context-blog/consequences-dishonesty [Accessed 28 Feb 2024].
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